So yesterday while on my yoga mat I had a breakthrough. As I was going through my vinyasas and in total control of my breathing, my mental clear and at peace, I began to cry. Now, if you know me, you know that I’m not a person who cries that much. I’m so used to having to take control when those life hiccups occur, that crying is just not an emotional outlet for me anymore. Right now, I’m in transition with relationships and myself, and all the pressure that has built up from it all came out on that yoga mat. I was able to cry and release all that negativity, which was my initial intention upon arrival.
See, I quote affirmations after affirmations, trying to stay sane, grounded and at peace, however sometimes I have those day where I’m like F**K IT!! Nevertheless, being able to get into a peaceful environment, with the ability to still my mind gives me the chance to surrender everything and trust the process of life, knowing that I am safe at all times. I don’t know if other people get the same type of spiritual fine tuning when they’re practicing, but for me, yoga is totally changing my life, and my perspectives on many things.
After the couple of tears that were shed, I was strong enough to try crow pose.
Now, since I’ve been participating in yoga classes, I’ve been totally playing it safe. I’ve been doing the poses I know I can do and and kinda skipping through the poses that look and sound difficult. But yesterday, spirit told me to try.
I got scared.
I wanted to give up after several attempts.
I didn’t want anybody to laugh at me if I fell over.
I just wanted to stay in a comfortable pose until it was time to move on.
Out of my comfort zone, I broke through, was in full crow pose for about 3 seconds and……….I fell over.
Immediately, I was embarrassed and wanted to walk out. I wanted to be mad at myself for not doing it right or long enough, instead of encouraging myself and being grateful for the fact that I tried, no matter how long I was in crow pose. And to top it off, me being worried about if anybody was gonna laugh at me went straight out the door. Nobody cared that much to be looking at me because they were in their own world, trying to perfect themselves as well. One of my yoga homies, who was next to me, even said that I did a great job and congratulated me for trying. His support meant a lot!
So this morning I attended yoga class with every intention to forgive myself for being a little wobbly, and to release fear, breathing in LOVE! Here we are, going through our vinyasas, deep breathing, and the yoga instructor calls out crow pose. This time instead of being scared, I went into crow pose, still unable to hold the pose for more than 3 seconds, but holding crow pose where it was comfortable for me, and that’s all that mattered.
In conclusion, I just want to say that I’ve noticed patterns in my life where I tend to stay stagnant in certain areas, afraid to move to the next level. Fear, that illusion I create for myself, can totally get behind me if I just stay in the present, learn to forgive myself at all times, and take only a few small steps out of my comfort zone. Pushing myself on that yoga mat, made me realize that I can overcome every obstacle in my life, and I don’t need to be afraid to move to the next level. It’s okay if things are a little shaky, it’s only temporary! I trust the process of life. All is well, I am safe.