I’m so glad that I chose to be consistent in my journaling. There were things that I discovered about myself, that I knew I would’ve forgotten had I not written them down. Journaling is so good for you. All thoughts that pass through your mind can be written down, and when the time comes, you’re able to go back and read what you were thinking, reflecting on what has changed in your life, for the better and to learn from. Journaling is a real awesome experience.
Now This is my second time starting the MayCause Miracles 40 day self empowerment journey. The first time I attempted and only made it to week 2. And when I think about how I started and why I started, I may have thought I was ready, however I wasn’t. I also realized that last time when I started, my relationship with my boyfriend was the main focus. This time around, the main focus has totally been about me, about my self development, how I respond instead of reacting, what to do when I react instead of responding, seeing LOVE in everything that I do, and being a vessel for LOVE to radiate to others.
Week one of MAY CAUSE MIRACLES has been very eye-opening and full of acknowledged self-growth. And let me just say this, MAY CAUSE MIRACLES, is not just for women. This is a book for anyone ready to experience something greater within themselves, a shift in perception to be in alignment to expect and receive miracles all the time.
Week one began on a Tuesday for me, random huh? Yeah, starting challenges and certain projects on Monday isn’t my thing. I feel like I get more out of whatever I’m doing by starting on Tuesday. Which reminds me, that I need to research why Tuesdays are my favorite day to work, astrologically.
Week one was all about becoming miracle minded!
Day 1 : Witness Your Fear
“I am willing to witness my fear.”
Consciously, I put myself in a position to recognize when any type of fear arises, to remind my self that “I am willing to see my fear”. Fear comes in all types of ways. For the most part, this was an easy day for me. Since the last time I attempted to start MAY CAUSE MIRACLES, I began to live my life in a way, that I would be conscious of witnessing my fear, even if it came from a deeply rooted issue. This time around, the main focus coming up for me has been mindful eating. Being conscious of what I put in my mouth, and not gorging or binging! I was able to get to the root of why at times I over eat. It’s hard to swallow the pill that you have an eating disorder. I almost wasn’t ready to face that I am an emotional eater. As a result I started a food journal to be more accountable and watch what I am feeding my body.
Keeping a food journal went great all day, until my boyfriend called me, asking if I went to Popeye’s. All day, the urge to eat anything outside of vegetarian was not there. I’m not a habitual Popeye’s chicken eater, he is, and actually every Tuesday because of the 0.99 special. The weird thing is that as soon as I got off the phone with him, all these unnatural cravings for Popeyes grew stronger and stronger, prompting me to get in my car, drive to Popeye’s, order, breathe in the food while driving back home , and inhaling that chicken in front of the tv.
While I was eating this gross ass chicken, I was scolding myself in my mind the whole entire time. I felt so bad, eating it, and I felt even worse afterwards. I felt like all that hard work of mindful eating that I had done all day, landed me to this. That was a hell of a trigger! I began to dig deeper, dissecting the emotional attachments that I associated with emotional eating. Key words or phrases, I came up with were anxiety, adrenaline rush, and fear.
Day 2: Become Willing
“I am willing to see this differently. I am willing to see LOVE.”
I woke up with mindful eating on my mind, especially since my stomach felt like shit and heavy as hell from the night before. I wanted to be mad at myself, but reminding myself to be present gave me the will to move and start new. Day two’s experience was me focusing more on my spiritual growth. My yoga practices have become so much more meaningful. I know for some, yoga is all about the physicality. For me, yoga is so spiritual. Being able to connect to the Divine through myself, creating a space for silence, focus, and intention, is so powerful to me! I realized that I practice yoga for the spiritual experience only, and as a result, my physical appearance begins to reflect a positive, healthy, melinated, glow! The more I focused on my spiritual connection, and the time I have to give attention to it, and mindful eating, fears that became visible on Day 2 had me literally stopping before taking action, and seeing the fear with LOVE. I did good on Day 2.
Day 3: Choose A New Perspective
“LOVE did not create this.”
Day 3 opened up with great, passionate, sex! The connection was so deep. I won’t get to deep into the act, however, allowing myself to shift my perception from fear to LOVE when it comes to relationships is allowing me to let go of my rocky past. Committed relationships don’t last too long for me, not because I’m not ready, but because of the men I chose, who weren’t ready. Every day I share my space with my boyfriend, I am reminded that he is really here, and he is really here to learn and grow even when I don’t think he is at times.
Switching gears, in yoga class I chose to try wheel pose. For those who don’t know what wheel pose is, please google wheel pose or look up #40DaysMenaLove. My youngest son, Xavier gave me so much inspiration to do wheel pose, after seeing him do push ups in wheel pose! Now, of course, my body isn’t ready to do push ups in wheel pose, and with removing fear, I was able to attempt and lift myself off the ground a little bit!
While trying wheel pose over and over, I kept saying to myself, “LOVE did not create this”. I chose to remain powerful and LOVE myself even more when I felt I couldn’t do it. Not to mention, the chakra power crystals I made for myself, especially for the root chakra, had me on some serious grounding, knowing that I am safe and secure, and an abundance of strength.
Day 4: Gratitude is the Attitude
“Gratitude is my only attitude today.”
Once again, I had a pretty easy day, and grateful for that! Due to the weather, I was unable to go to Big Yoga (in Houston, TX) to practice with all my fellow yogis and yoginis. However, I was able to practice at home. I am so grateful that I didn’t quit in the middle of practicing! I am so grateful that my at-home practice was a success and a reminder that I CAN do yoga at home! Even though, I was inconvenienced a little by the weather, I am grateful that I was able to center myself in my at-home yoga practice. Doing yoga by myself, without other people, made me feel another type of connection with the Divine that I don’t normally get to feel when I’m with others. I felt like with every position I was talking directly to God, like it was just me and the Divine having a conversation alone! It felt great! I am so grateful I have the time to do yoga anytime I want! And I’m especially grateful for that day to come when I become a certified yoga teacher, it’s coming in the near future!
Day 5: The F Word — Learning to Forgive.
“I forgive myself for choosing fear. I choose LOVE instead.”
Mindful eating was on point! No all of a sudden “a-ha” moments today. Day 5 was more of me just coasting and being conscious of LOVING thoughts. Any fears that came up for me, I was able to assess and forgive myself for believing in the negative thought pattern I created for myself. I’m learning, I’m growing! The one thing I did learn from Day 5, and also through a group gathering at Big Yoga was “the key to getting present is knowing when you’re not”. I choose LOVE instead.
Day 6: Expect Miracles!
“I believe in miracles!”
I do! I really really do! And I’m grateful that even in the midst of obstacles, I can still say I believe in miracles! It’s a wonderful feeling to shift your perception from fear to LOVE! It allows you to seriously noticing the small miracles too, that lead to the really big miracles!! Day 6 was full of treats! I attended a guided meditation workshop hosted by Nancy Sheridan Perry, co-founder of Big Yoga. The miracle in all of this, is that I’m not scared to meditate alone anymore! In the beginning of my enlightened spiritual journey, I could totally help you meditate, but I couldn’t meditate alone. Now, I can meditate alone, and that’s a miracle. And it’s an even bigger miracle that I’m able to implement meditation as a daily practice. The more you practice meditating, the more you are strengthening your “letting go” muscle.
Day7: Reflect & Prepare
I was tested today.
I was tested today and I feel like I failed.
On my FB page, my relationship status stated that I was in an open relationship. I have my own meaning of what a open relationship means to me. My definition of an open relationship is having a relationship with multiple people, but not in the sense that the relationships all have to be intimate. When you think about it, you have relationships with many people. I have a relationship with my mother, my boyfriend, my children, my yogi friends, my best friends, and GOD. Why are we limiting the status of being in a open relationship to a woman or a man having multiple partners? See, I’m an out-the-box thinker!
My boyfriend is so not the internet computer type, however certain family members and friends of his are, and have brought it to his attention that the status of being in an open relationship is inappropriate.
Do I hide anything?
Has my relationship status been “open” since I entered into a committed, intimate, and exclusive relationship with him?
Why is he bothered by my relationship status?
I have no idea.
Could it be his insecurities?
To make a long story short, we get into this heated debate about changing my relationship status. I didn’t have a problem with him suggesting I change it, however I had an issue with him not understanding why I chose to keep my relationship status open. After all was said, I had to go deep within and apologize to him. I apologized for yelling at him to get my point across, thinking that yelling louder will help him understand. However, I did stress that I was not apologizing for what I said.
Agreeing to disagree, I chose to compromise and change my relationship status to “domestic partnership”. Seeing how my “open relationship” status made him feel regardless of how it meant to me, made me kinda see it from his perspective. I used all of week one’s tools to get me to make that choice. By me changing my status, made him share a little more of his feelings for me, and also made him feel like he is in this relationship, too. We’re a lot more happier today, and of, course our LOVEmaking is on point!
*(Chakra Jewelry by Mena Love on Instagram @Lovestoned_Gems)
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